Chuck Norris Jokes for my Quote of the Week - Gotta love it!

 

 

Here some of the TOP Chuck Norris Jokes (Facts)…Yes FACTS ….ladies and gentlemen

1. Chuck Norris once sold ebay, to ebay, on ebay.

2. Chuck Norris doesn’t dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.

3. Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.

4. Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

5. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

6. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

7. When Chuck was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: “What is courage?” Chuck received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.

8. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

9. Chuck Norris doesn’t play “hide-and-seek.” He plays “hide-and-pray-I-don’t-find-you.”

10. Chuck Norris can hear sign language.

11. Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

12. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

13. Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

14 . Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not “attempt” murder.

15. Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.

17. Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

18. Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.

19. When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

20. When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

21. Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

22. A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.

23. Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris’ PC will crash.

24. Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

25. Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there is no signs of life.

26. When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run